About Us…
I founded Dolce’s Legacy because I never wanted anyone else to feel as alone and lost as we did. We were the three musketeers, and we went everywhere together. He was my “heart Dog”. My Best Friend of 15 years. And at one point in time, my only reason to get up each day. His loss would not only demolish what was left of my entire world…. But become the biggest catalyst in my life once again.
About Him
Before I met my husband, Dolce and I spent an amazing year finding ourselves on the east coast of Florida. I don’t know that there’s a beach we didn’t hit! But our absolute favorite place was in the Keys. On a sandbar somewhere between Islamorada and Marathon. I’d take two floating mats, a huge umbrella to anchor into the bar, music my book and a cooler full of necessities. We use to camp in the bed of my truck by a camp fire in Sugarloaf. Just a girl and her dog! Then along came my husband. I’ll never forget that first day introducing them. Before Brian, I was the angel with long raven hair with beams of light exploding out from behind me ”MOM”. After Brian, it was “oh, hey ma!” Daddy was everything to him and the feeling was mutual. And so we became the three musketeers. When the opportunity arose for us to move to the Florida Keys, I jumped all over it!
A few short months in, Dolce had his first attack. It’s so hard to describe what a LARPAR (laryngeal Paralysis) episode looks like. It’s devastating to watch, and absolutely heartbreaking to experience. Your dog is literally suffocating during this seizure thats happening in their throat. They are suffocating, panicked (involuntarily releasing their bladder and defecating all over you and theirselves) and the only thing you can do is stay calm and wait for the attack to pass. For the throat muscles to relax. And for them to breathe again and catch ahold of the tenuous grip on their surroundings. I’d made our first appointment by the time the second attack happened, I’d also Dr Googled myself into oblivioun and had narrowed it down to what I thought was happening. When it was finally time for our appointment we’d had 5 episodes in one week. The Dr. confirmed it was LARPAR and our options at that time weren’t all that great. It was a 6K procedure for a 12 year old man and I’d have to find a specialist to do it. Or I could help him manage it. The vet spoke to me about the medicinal usage of CBD when I asked her about THC. You see we’d already been using it because it was the only thing to keep him calm to help lessen the attacks. Looking back I now realize that they weren’t allowed to suggest such modalities. She had waited until the tech had left and proceeded to ask how much I was giving, how it helped etc. She also mentioned raw feeding to me. And so it began, the beginning. That November we saw her one last time. We ran a full senior blood panel. We hadn’t had any episodes…. we went from 5 and 6 episodes a week to 1 in 6 months. And our labs were fabulous.
It’s late November and we’ve relocated back to New Jersey. Fun in the sun to the wet snow! When he first started limping I didn’t think anything about it. He was 12 and his climate had severely changed. I gave him his THC and within a week the limping ceased. In December, He and I were playing chase around the island wall. It was everything to watch him play chase with me again and not immediately go into a LARPAR episode from breathing to hard or barking. He didn’t take the corner sharp enough and slid too far into the wall. He started limping again. I laid on the kitchen floor on his bed with him for 2 hours until Bri came home. I don’t think in my mind I’ve ever forgiven myself for letting him play that day. Within the 2 weeks the limp was gone again and as far as I knew all was right with the world again. It’s now the end of February and the limp is back. We’re finally settled into the new house and I’m even helping people online understand the importance that fresh food and the positive impact it can have, we also have an appointment scheduled. My biggest worries were osteoarthritis and I was thrilled to know that we were seeing a fabulous PT clinic. One with all the bells and whistles one could ever need.
From this day forward… Kira would refuse to leave his side.
What I thought was one of the worst days of my life… It wasn’t …
The day of our appointment (first week of march) is finally here, and I had to beg and plead for this one. Dolc was hurting and in turn that looming dark cloud was returning. The one that made it painfully clear that we were in our December. I just didn’t realize how close it really was. Dr. Kinght is an amazing vet! In fact their entire staff is nothing short of top notch in my book. Trust me you won’t hear me say that often. Money was so tight because of our resent move. When she asked if she could take x rays, my first question was how much are they? We could only afford the one. I’d never been “HERE” before. I’d never been in the position of “what if’s”. I remember her coming back in with him and catching the look on her face. None of it felt right. She’d known before she’d even left the room with him…
The words “it’s osteosarcoma” and “it’s aggressive” I wish I could tell you I remember the entire conversation in the beginning. But the truth is I can’t. I shot up off the floor and immediately started pacing the tiny room, while Brian instantly went to sit with him. I remember saying “no” while tears streamed down my face. All I could think about was, Why! Why him! I guess I wasn’t just thinking it because Dr. Knight explained that she took 58 images. And that the entire shoulder was hollowed out. My world began to crumble right where I stood. Amputation, was my next question… and the response wasn’t any better than the first one. The cancer had already metastasized and presented in 3 places on the lungs. At this point my face was flush, my chest was so heavy, and my entire body was completely trembling. I remember asking … can he come home with us. I had this fear that this very moment was it. I wouldn’t be leaving this tiny sanitary 5X5 cell without him. That for some unrealistic reason they wouldn’t let me leave with him. And then, in true Dolce fashion, the entire office “just in a blink of an eye” was in a buzz. There was always something about him that everyone completely fell in love with.
Technicians were coming in with long faces and tissues for us. The physical therapy guy had gotten out of the pool to come and say hello to him, hugged us and then measured him up for a pull em up harness….. That was the day I retired his service badges… Dr Knight and the staff knew that Dolce had been a Pediatric Hospice Therapy Canine. They put him on a stretcher and Dr. Knight said “ you know he’s such a good boy, he didn’t like the positions I had to put him into for the imaging. He “air bit” but never at us. When you came in he was so anxious, and look at how calm he is now. Because now you know what he needed you to know. In have such a huge place in my heart for these guys.” She asked me “what can I do for you?” I said “I want to walk into a room and see that big happy go lucky face again. Just one last time. I want to see him happy just one last time.” We left the office that day for the last time, escorted out by 4 vet techs, 2 physical therapists dripping water all over the place wrapped in wet towels and Dr. Knight. We were given a 2 week time frame that we had left with him before that shoulder would completely shatter. We got three.
On our way home Brian and I sat in complete silence as I laid in the back of the car with Dolce watching him pant and smile. It was all too surreal. I asked if we could stop at the boutique shop before we headed home. I walked into the shop to see the manager named Michelle who had met Dolce on multiple occasions. She asked if there was anything particular I was after and realized the look on my face. I explained in broken sentences, basically blurting out with tears streaming down my face, “I just need… STUFF, I don’t know what I want but I just want things for him”, She wrapped her arm around my shoulder and we gathered arm fulls of toys we knew he’d love. Cookies and treats on any other occasion I’d never allow (and a lot of them), Thinking back on it now, I know I bought way more than 25$ worth of goodies that day. I came out with my 3 HUGE bags stuffed full of toys and boutique cookies. Before heading home we stopped at Wendy’s. Turns out when we’re diagnosed with a terminal cancer, all of moms “healthy bullshit” goes right out the door.
Because he couldn’t jump, we put our mattress on the living room floor. This way he could easily be with us, and I didn’t have to worry about him wandering off alone to slip and fall. Our bed would stay like this until June. I didn’t leave his side for the next 3 weeks. I didn’t want to miss one second with him. Please understand that while I knew about nutrition, I knew nothing about any alternative palliative care. There was nobody for me to talk to. Or even friend, As far as I was concerned, I was in my own very real hell on earth. We were so very alone in this. There was no time. And I wasn’t going to spend precious hours with my face buried in my phone researching or looking into facebook groups. Hell, I didn’t even know that that was a support system. I wanted to set the world on fire and sit smack dap in the middle of it. I wanted to scream! I hated everything (and for the first time in my life I can actually say that’s the only time I’ve ever used that word in that sense). Every inch of my body was in turmoil. And I wanted all of the pain to just stop.
Week two, I got my wish. I’d come out of the bathroom and into the living room and there he was playing with his baby, frolicking. And he flashed me that big goofy smile. And then barked at me. For a split second in time it was ok to breath. For a split second in time… my world had a false sense of calm.
Week three
It wasn’t a good week and our medications weren’t as helpful. My biggest fear was him falling. Even with all of his pain, his first concern was always us. He had that way about him. With everyone…
My world in its entirety are in these photos. Day after day, the tiny thread that Bri and I were grasping on to was fading faster than we could compartmentalize. All he wanted to do was console us. Meanwhile, I’m happy to destroy myself because… I can’t take this one away. All I want to do is selfishly keep him. Beg him to stay…. How will I ever be able to make this up to you…
It took me 5 times to call Lap of Love. 5 times for me to be able to get out an audible sentence to plan his death. I called that Saturday and we were scheduled for that Wednesday. Monday I had to call back and ask if they could come Tuesday. Dr Knight said we could give him x amount of medication as long as we were going through with it. After all of the car rides to go “bye bye and get daddy” and all of our “one last times” had been had. After our week of smiles and playing and then the denial of was this really real.
We said goodbye on Wednesday the 28th. He laid there on his bed which was stacked on ours with his blanket. Kira never left his side. He gave us all one last giggle, by snoring and running in his sleep.
Run the beaches baby, I’ll see you soon….
And his Legacy was born…
If you’ve made it this far, know that I appreciate you. I appreciate the fact you were willing to spend the time to read our story. I founded a Legacy in his name because I wanted to give others the one thing we didn’t have. A touch stone. I never want anyone to be as alone as we were. Ironically his loss gave something back to the world. His loss fueled my drive to finish educating myself in all the ways I thought I had failed him. I returned to The Academy of Natural Health Sciences and acquired my 500 hours in Nutrition for Feline and Canine health. 100 hours in herbalism added by another 100 hours in homeopathy. Securing my 4 year Bachelors of Science for Animal Health. As far as I’m concerned education should never be over. We should always be in a state momentum. We cannot thrive off of stagnancy. Often times I’m told I become too close and intimate with my clients. For some of you I’ve been allowed into your homes and lives day after day for years. If thats the case, then Yes, I’m guilty of making it personal. I built a family in his name so that we can all honor those that we weren’t able to give more too. A support system to cheer one another on and a support system when it’s time to let them go. Someone to answer the phone at 2 am. Someone thats been where you might possibly be now.
After his devastating loss, I buried myself in a degree regarding canine and feline nutrition and all things holistic regarding cancer. If there was a course or program I could better further myself with. I was in it. I felt like it was all I could do in order to survive his loss.
Fast forward and my obsession is now a platform for education. Teaching my clients the importance of being preventative and proactive while tailoring the needs to that body’s requirements. I never wanted anyone to feel as alone as we did. So I curated my Feline and Canine concierge programs for my breeders, my terminal babes and those that simply want to do better by our four legged counterparts. It’s always an absolute honor to guide and walk my clients through the processes of being proactive in preparation for healthy vitality vs needing to be reactionary for my hospice and terminal babes.